Spice up your Alcohol Experience

Spice-Up-Your-Alcohol-ExperienceDisclaimer: This piece is not encouraging bad behaviour of any sort within the corporate environment. Deciding to practice anything contained in this article is at your own risk and you will be held totally responsible for it.

I don’t know about your office but in mine, you’re not allowed to drink alcohol during work hours. However, for those who absolutely must, here are a few different ways to spice up your alcohol moments in the office – fully undercover.

  1. Spike your coffee: Pour some vodka into a little amount of your dark coffee. It quenches the smell and has a kick of stimulants! You can also add vanilla to reduce the sting of the vodka or use peppermint flavoured drinks and tea in place of coffee. #TeamHardworking
  2. Create a hole in a watermelon and pour in your vodka or an alcohol of choice, leave it to sit for 4 hours in the fridge. Cut the watermelon and serve. Put it in your regular health bowl, no one would notice. #FitFam
  3. You can buy a concealed water bottle and just sip it low key. Have mouthwash ready or use Tom-Tom to douse the smell. #SweetTooth
  4. Make a creative cocktail drink with your alcohol of choice and drink it. Is it not just a creative mix? If you are creative enough you can make it look like fruit juice. Dice some fruits in it too. #HealthyLivingBehavior
  5. You can use baileys as a milk substitute for your cereal or tea. It’s just breakfast 😉

To cover up the symptoms:

  1. Stay hydrated
  2. Use eyedrops
  3. Maintain fresh breath (keep a toothbrush at work or use mint)
  4. Stay Quiet
  5. Don’t go past your limit

Please do not try this at work!!! If you collect sack letter “OYO” as in, you are ON YOUR OWN.

Stay Sober!

My Boss Happened To Me

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I started out with lots of energy and enthusiasm. As boring as the JD (Job Description) sounded on paper – Admin/PA – the job was challenging and filled with opportunities to grow beyond the current role into a career path I truly wanted – Marketing Communications. My colleagues were bright and dynamic young people with tons of ideas and we could discuss anything and see it come alive. It felt like an enchanting fairytale that held new and exciting surprises for me. I looked forward to our Monday meetings, as they were always fun and engaging.

For someone who had never worked as a PA, with very little administrative skills, I was doing amazingly well (Google was, and still is, my best friend). My boss was a public figure, so my work extended beyond the office. She was involved in speaking engagements, radio and TV shows, and I loved the fact that I could move around. She was hardworking, passionate about her career, could juggle a million things at once (ok, that’s exaggerating it) and I really admired her work ethic. She always said that a woman’s life was all about balance and being able to connect her world in a way that allowed her to find both peace and sanity in it.

Soon, I began to have more responsibilities and I took each one head-on, loving the challenges buried in each of them and being able to find solutions. With each new challenge, my boss would say, “There’s nothing you can’t do if you put your mind into it.” I became a Project Manager overseeing a new office site, a part-time accountant and then moved to my favourite area, Content.

Fast-forward a couple of months later, the marketing team seemed to have hit a roadblock as to how to carry out a certain campaign. My boss wanted fresh perspectives and asked if I wanted to assist the marketing team. We all sat, brainstormed ideas and found new ways to tackle the plan. It felt exciting, fulfilling. The brainstorming sessions made me feel alive. Something in me was awakened; even my colleagues seemed to notice too.  Over time, I started getting more involved in regular brainstorming sessions and client meetings. My interest was piqued as I reviewed content and actively participated in strategy sessions. Soon, I approached the company to review my JD to marketing. Sadly, I couldn’t at the time because there was no vacancy in the marketing department, but I was given liberty to stay involved with them.

One fateful day, one of my colleagues, Tunde, approached me and asked if I had ever considered a career in marketing communications. Of course!  I had always wanted to but didn’t know where to begin. He told me about Orange Academy and I got very interested.

I signed up for Orange Academy and discovered a world of possibilities, and I was introduced to the world of digital marketing. Digital marketing gave me an entirely different perspective in the world of communications and its ability to reach millions with a few words or images. Armed with this insight, I made a decision to pursue it head on.  I spoke with my boss and told her of my plans. She had mixed feelings but was happy I had found something I was truly passionate about, based on our frequent discussions.  I resigned from that job and began my journey into Digital marketing.

Even though I started my career in a field I knew very little about, working with her helped me discover and focus on what I truly love to do. I had thought I had my entire life figured out, but when my employer happened to me and challenged my abilities, it changed me forever.

If you’re stuck in a role that seems completely unrelated to your passion or talent, don’t be discouraged! Just stay focused and keep working hard; you never know what life-changing opportunities may come your way. *wink!

Monkey Barring

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Ever known those people who are never single? Whose dating game is always in Safe Mode (so it’s constantly running)? These people won’t let go of a relationship even when they’re bored or unhappy until they find another interesting person they’re willing to date, sometimes even secretly dating the new one until they gently ease out the old.

If you’ve ever known anyone who fits this description, or if you’ve felt that your significant other seemed a bit distant and uninvolved, chances are, you’ve been Monkey Barred.

To put it plainly, Monkey Barring is when you set up a relationship before the present one is over, swinging from one to the other with little or no breaks in between. (Like a monkey swinging between branches.)

So recently, in our usual office banter, a discussion came up about women and relationships and ThinkCap Tomi was of the opinion that women are more likely to ‘Monkey- bar’ in relationships than men.  To put it in ThinkCap Tomi’s words, “Women are evil and are cheats.”

The usual uproar followed with a debate on who does it more, but regardless of the answer to that controversial debate, monkey barring is practised by either gender. It can pretty much suck if you’re the victim, or be an awesome experience if you’re the Swinger. (And, to be fair, the different genders do it for different reasons.)

So why will a man or woman monkey bar you’re a**? Let’s explore.

  1. Trust: A person can choose to ‘monkey bar’ in a relationship simply because he/she doesn’t trust their partner. For this reason alone, they can begin casual relationships with other people and then abort ship once they feel the grass is greener on the other side.
  2. Loneliness/Boredom: Some people hate being single sha.  They constantly need a relationship to validate their existence: someone to talk to, cuddle or just get right down with. Throw in the perception that being single means no one finds you attractive, and you have a recipe for Monkey-Barring. Others don’t want to feel the heartbreak that comes with the end of a relationship, so they jump into another to fill the void.
  3. Just For Fun: For some, the excitement of having a new partner at different times is just plain exciting. This set of people take the saying, ‘variety is the spice of life’ to a whole different level: they do not desire commitment but love the thrill of swinging and leaving at their own will, regardless of the hurt they leave behind.

If any of these sound familiar, here’s how you can avoid being Monkey Barred:

  1. Make sure your Game is tight: be smooth, confident and try not to act desperate no matter how much you like the person. People respect and are attracted to others with an independent mind and will.
  2. Avoid them like a plague:  when you share your relationship histories (not all I hope, lest you provide ammunition for your own death in the future), be attentive to the triggers mentioned earlier so you can identify a potential ‘monkey – barrer’. Once you have, avoid them. However, if you’re in it for the fun too, then play along and keep your emotional tap switched off.

21k Changed My Life

 

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“J. K. Rolling, get off that phone and come help me in the kitchen!”

That was my mother’s voice, one of the many voices that constantly brought me back to reality from my obsession with the Internet.

It all began when I joined Facebook. I had just finished secondary school, so it was great to see what was happening in the lives of my classmates, and I eventually became a Facebook addict. I would stay online all day commenting on status updates and posting pretty pictures of myself, and soon enough I became quite popular on Facebook. People would see me on the road and recognize me! It made me feel extremely important and gave me a sense of self-worth at the time.

A few years into my second year at the university, I became aware of another social media platform called Twitter. Apparently, Twitter was the next big thing and everyone was on it. I had even seen something on CNN about it so I decided to go check it out, but my first experience was pretty disappointing; the layout seemed drab and all I kept seeing were links and something called a ‘hashtag’. I tried to understand Twitter but soon enough, I logged out and soon forgot about it.

I got interested in Twitter again when I got my first Blackberry; a friend showed me how to use it and from that moment I was hooked.  All of a sudden, I lost my love for Facebook and I would jump on Twitter trends and conversations. I had a voice; people found me interesting and my follower count started to increase.

A few months later, I got a message from another Twitter follower asking if I would like to make money from my tweets; at that point I was having money problems so I jumped on the offer without a second thought. He added me to a Blackberry group and we started tweeting for money. I started to develop my account; I jumped on trends more and became more commercial with my tweets. I even became an admin for the student website at my school! I became known for my social media presence, and by the time I was in my final year I had over 12k followers.

It was this love for social media that led me to my career path. Having studied microbiology in university, I was technically unqualified to work in advertising or digital media. But when it was time to apply for work after graduation, it was my follower count that got me the most attention.

And with no formal training, I started my first real social media job, all because I had 21,000 followers.

“J. K. Rolling, get off that phone and come help me in the kitchen!”

Sorry, mum, I’m working!

Getting Past The Front Desk

 

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“He is not on seat.”

“Pardon?”

“I said, Oga is not on seat!”

If you have visited any offices in Lagos, you must have, at some point, had this conversation. It’s even funnier – or more frustrating – when the person you came to see walks right out of the office, just at the moment the receptionist told you he or she isn’t “on seat”.

You stare at the receptionist, look at the person you came to see, and then look back at the receptionist and she’s staring right back at you like,

What?

 You’re like, “Isn’t that…?!” and she replies you with the confidence of a thousand gods, “Like I said, Oga isn’t on seat.”

In some instances, people walk right into the office to see the person you’ve waited to see for the past hour, with cheers and hails from the same receptionist who kept you waiting.

At this point, you probably think it’s what you wore… but, nah, it can’t be, ‘cause today was one of those days you nailed it. You look at the receptionist once again: this is the 8th time you are making eye contact with her. You hope she senses the plight in your eyes and speeds up your meeting with the person you came to see, but it doesn’t work. She will attend to you when she’s ready.

Finally, she calls you up.

“What’s your name again?” she asks, ignoring the fact that this is the third time you will be introducing yourself and you’ve already filled a visitor’s form with your name written in all caps on it.

“Hello sir, a Mr Tunde is here to see you… Okay, I’ll tell him.”

Then she looks right at you and says, “He said you should give him 5 minutes.”

I’ve had my fair share of these interactions with receptionists and secretaries. You may not admit it, but right after the CEO, they are unofficially next in charge. They are the gatekeepers, the fictional Heimdall of Asgard, the guardian of the Office, defending the office personnel’s doors from any intruders, and some of the most trusted staff of the CEO.

And if like me, you’ve been stalled by numerous secretaries and receptionists, I have good news: there’s a cheat sheet for getting past them! I’ll share a few:

BE POLITE. It’s really that simple. Being polite and courteous actually gets you extra points with receptionists and secretaries. Often times you might encounter slightly rude receptionists, but the trick is keeping your cool and constantly throwing in “please”, “thank you”, “ma” and “sir” where appropriate, and watch it get you past that door faster than you think. Trust me, it works.

FURNISH THEM WITH COMPLIMENTS. I remember rolling my eyes and sighing a lot when my colleague and I walked into a lobby, and he immediately started complimenting the receptionist on her looks, dress, etc. I was like, “Can we just do what we came here for and bounce!” – but it turns out those compliments got us favourable responses from them.

Try it out: express gratitude and give compliments constantly in the process of interaction and watch doors open. It’s kinda like how foreplay… nah, ignore that. But if you know, you know.

TIPS AND GIFTS I don’t think they’re allowed to accept gifts or monetary offers… officially, but who has ever said no to a lovely tangible or monetary gift? Especially the way the economy is set up these days. They might not accept cash, but branded gifts and office items might work. Trust me, you will be remembered and in the words of Adam Levine, you will be loved.

FOLLOW-UP (Off the job) If it’s convenient and appropriate, maintain off-the-job relationships with receptionists and secretaries, especially when you constantly interact with them on-the-job. A healthy off-the-job relationship will encourage more goodwill.

And if none of these get you past the front desk with ease, look for an interesting app or engaging game on your phone and get comfortable on that couch as you wait.  I may be the one seated next to you. Say hi!

If My Office Was A Classroom

 

If-my-office-was-a-classroomWhen I was younger, I was convinced that my parents only put me in school so that they wouldn’t have to deal with me throughout the day. Even though secondary school seemed like a fun place for a lot of people, I was sad and bored all through and couldn’t wait to get out.

Since leaving school, however, I’ve realized that grown-ups in offices fall into some of the same stereotypes as we had in school! Here are some of the categories I’ve identified in my place of work:

Class clown: The class clown in my office is Ade. Ade is a Happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He his liked by everyone and tends to make us laugh all the time by picking up on all the sexual innuendos. Even though he’s the newest guy in the office, everyone is comfortable around him and vice-versa.

Nerd: You know those people who know everything? Yeah, that’s Velma. Velma tends to speak in a language of her own… People like Tayo and Lilian seem to understand, but the rest of us just nod and smile so that we can look intelligent.

Troublemaker: At first glance, Blessing seems to be a cute, quiet girl, but just a few hours in the same room with her and everyone starts to argue. How she does it, we don’t know, but she riles everyone up whilst looking innocent and unassuming.

Class President: Lilian for President! I absolutely admire her, she’s charismatic and brilliant. I want to be a “Lilian” when I grow up.

Cool Kid: I am definitely the cool kid, but for some reason, everyone seems to want to murder me. They say I have an over-inflated ego… I wonder why.

Wallflower: Crystal, dear Crystal, shy Crystal, lovely Crystal. She never says a word unless she has to or until she hears something really funny. Don’t be fooled by her countenance, she’s really smart and talented.

Mean girl: When we watch those high school movies, there is always that cute and pretty girl who can make babies cry just because she can. Dorcas is that person.

After all, is said and done, I guess we can say real life is just one big school.