The Struggle to Be Corporate

The-struggle-to-be-corporate

 

It’s a Monday morning. I barely make it to work after practically dragging myself out of bed, but not before being faced with the problem of what to wear. I am bombarded with decisions as I add and subtract from my outfit: Is this too formal? Is that too out-there? Is this dress too short?

Eventually, my brain tells me I have made the right decision. I pick an outfit and head to work, hoping I managed to look at least average. I’m very tired and want to go back home and sleep (Monday blues), but as I start to work, I hear a voice from behind me say, “JK Rolling, why don’t you ever dress corporate?” I look at myself and realise that I actually don’t look corporate. I have been fooled by my brain once again.

I decide that I’m going to look better the following week, and start to strategize and make plans on how I want to dress. After my internal strategy session, I am hopeful. I mean, how hard can it be to put together a formal shirt and simple trousers? Next thing I hear is, “Baby girl, what are you wearing? Why won’t your hair stay combed?” And I’m just stumped, like, ahn ahn, I really tried. What’s going on here, and why isn’t anyone praising my effort?

Back to the drawing board for me.

I’m not exactly a fashionista. In fact, I’d probably be the worst dressed in magazines if I was famous. But after struggling so hard to figure out what to wear, daily, I finally figured it out!

Here’s how I solved the problem:

After a lot of research, I decided to have a work uniform with similar outfits every day. I bought a few pairs of trousers, 2 skirts and lots of chiffon tops. I also kept a pair of heels in the office in case I was ever accused of not wearing heels. This simple decision has made my life so much easier! I now have items that always match, look formal, and I don’t have to stress myself out over getting ready anymore because everything looks pretty much the same.

Since I made this change I’m now cool with everyone (thank God). And not only do I feel great about what I wear, I no longer spend time thinking about what I wear! If you’re like me, and you struggle with work-appropriate fashion, I hope you learn from my process!

Spice up your Alcohol Experience

Spice-Up-Your-Alcohol-ExperienceDisclaimer: This piece is not encouraging bad behaviour of any sort within the corporate environment. Deciding to practice anything contained in this article is at your own risk and you will be held totally responsible for it.

I don’t know about your office but in mine, you’re not allowed to drink alcohol during work hours. However, for those who absolutely must, here are a few different ways to spice up your alcohol moments in the office – fully undercover.

  1. Spike your coffee: Pour some vodka into a little amount of your dark coffee. It quenches the smell and has a kick of stimulants! You can also add vanilla to reduce the sting of the vodka or use peppermint flavoured drinks and tea in place of coffee. #TeamHardworking
  2. Create a hole in a watermelon and pour in your vodka or an alcohol of choice, leave it to sit for 4 hours in the fridge. Cut the watermelon and serve. Put it in your regular health bowl, no one would notice. #FitFam
  3. You can buy a concealed water bottle and just sip it low key. Have mouthwash ready or use Tom-Tom to douse the smell. #SweetTooth
  4. Make a creative cocktail drink with your alcohol of choice and drink it. Is it not just a creative mix? If you are creative enough you can make it look like fruit juice. Dice some fruits in it too. #HealthyLivingBehavior
  5. You can use baileys as a milk substitute for your cereal or tea. It’s just breakfast 😉

To cover up the symptoms:

  1. Stay hydrated
  2. Use eyedrops
  3. Maintain fresh breath (keep a toothbrush at work or use mint)
  4. Stay Quiet
  5. Don’t go past your limit

Please do not try this at work!!! If you collect sack letter “OYO” as in, you are ON YOUR OWN.

Stay Sober!