Ever known those people who are never single? Whose dating game is always in Safe Mode (so it’s constantly running)? These people won’t let go of a relationship even when they’re bored or unhappy until they find another interesting person they’re willing to date, sometimes even secretly dating the new one until they gently ease out the old.
If you’ve ever known anyone who fits this description, or if you’ve felt that your significant other seemed a bit distant and uninvolved, chances are, you’ve been Monkey Barred.
To put it plainly, Monkey Barring is when you set up a relationship before the present one is over, swinging from one to the other with little or no breaks in between. (Like a monkey swinging between branches.)
So recently, in our usual office banter, a discussion came up about women and relationships and ThinkCap Tomi was of the opinion that women are more likely to ‘Monkey- bar’ in relationships than men. To put it in ThinkCap Tomi’s words, “Women are evil and are cheats.”
The usual uproar followed with a debate on who does it more, but regardless of the answer to that controversial debate, monkey barring is practised by either gender. It can pretty much suck if you’re the victim, or be an awesome experience if you’re the Swinger. (And, to be fair, the different genders do it for different reasons.)
So why will a man or woman monkey bar you’re a**? Let’s explore.
- Trust: A person can choose to ‘monkey bar’ in a relationship simply because he/she doesn’t trust their partner. For this reason alone, they can begin casual relationships with other people and then abort ship once they feel the grass is greener on the other side.
- Loneliness/Boredom: Some people hate being single sha. They constantly need a relationship to validate their existence: someone to talk to, cuddle or just get right down with. Throw in the perception that being single means no one finds you attractive, and you have a recipe for Monkey-Barring. Others don’t want to feel the heartbreak that comes with the end of a relationship, so they jump into another to fill the void.
- Just For Fun: For some, the excitement of having a new partner at different times is just plain exciting. This set of people take the saying, ‘variety is the spice of life’ to a whole different level: they do not desire commitment but love the thrill of swinging and leaving at their own will, regardless of the hurt they leave behind.
If any of these sound familiar, here’s how you can avoid being Monkey Barred:
- Make sure your Game is tight: be smooth, confident and try not to act desperate no matter how much you like the person. People respect and are attracted to others with an independent mind and will.
- Avoid them like a plague: when you share your relationship histories (not all I hope, lest you provide ammunition for your own death in the future), be attentive to the triggers mentioned earlier so you can identify a potential ‘monkey – barrer’. Once you have, avoid them. However, if you’re in it for the fun too, then play along and keep your emotional tap switched off.