If My Office Was A Classroom


If-my-office-was-a-classroomWhen I was younger, I was convinced that my parents only put me in school so that they wouldn’t have to deal with me throughout the day. Even though secondary school seemed like a fun place for a lot of people, I was sad and bored all through and couldn’t wait to get out.

Since leaving school, however, I’ve realized that grown-ups in offices fall into some of the same stereotypes as we had in school! Here are some of the categories I’ve identified in my place of work:

Class clown: The class clown in my office is Ade. Ade is a Happy-go-lucky kind of guy. He his liked by everyone and tends to make us laugh all the time by picking up on all the sexual innuendos. Even though he’s the newest guy in the office, everyone is comfortable around him and vice-versa.

Nerd: You know those people who know everything? Yeah, that’s Velma. Velma tends to speak in a language of her own… People like Tayo and Lilian seem to understand, but the rest of us just nod and smile so that we can look intelligent.

Troublemaker: At first glance, Blessing seems to be a cute, quiet girl, but just a few hours in the same room with her and everyone starts to argue. How she does it, we don’t know, but she riles everyone up whilst looking innocent and unassuming.

Class President: Lilian for President! I absolutely admire her, she’s charismatic and brilliant. I want to be a “Lilian” when I grow up.

Cool Kid: I am definitely the cool kid, but for some reason, everyone seems to want to murder me. They say I have an over-inflated ego… I wonder why.

Wallflower: Crystal, dear Crystal, shy Crystal, lovely Crystal. She never says a word unless she has to or until she hears something really funny. Don’t be fooled by her countenance, she’s really smart and talented.

Mean girl: When we watch those high school movies, there is always that cute and pretty girl who can make babies cry just because she can. Dorcas is that person.

After all, is said and done, I guess we can say real life is just one big school.





The process of breaking up with a client can be hard and involve battling all kinds of emotions. I will be taking you through the 5 stages of the emotional roller coaster you may experience.

Stage 1 – Denial

“Nah it can’t be, we just had lunch with Demola the brand manager and we were brainstorming on how to launch their latest product. Demola would have told me if this was going to happen. I’m sure it’s a rumour or somebody is just having a bad day. Let me fix a meeting, there’s nothing a good meeting can’t solve.” At this stage, we can’t accept it especially when we never “experred it”

Stage 2 – Anger

“They will regret it, who else in this Nigeria can answer briefs in less than 2 hours. So Chinyere is telling me she couldn’t fight for us after we have saved her sorry ass time and time again. The same complexion that got her a job could not keep our own.  I’m sure she was in on it, pretending she was not in support. What kind of pot of beans life is this?” This is the point where you’re angry and almost losing every sense of reason.

Stage 3 – Bargaining

“Let’s send a proposal to the client, I’m sure once they see how creative we are they will stay. Talk to their procurement guy about some discounts we have been able to bag them recently. Tell Saheed to give us a month to prove ourselves, we will also have one of our staff stationed in their office so we are constantly at their beck and call.”  When you are at this point, be careful not to sell your future out of desperation.

Stage 4 – Depression

“We have to cancel the office renovation we planned, I guess we will be stuck with this sad ambience for the rest of our lives”. I don’t feel well, tell the staff I will be leaving early today. In fact, everyone can leave early today. What’s the point working so hard when they will just leave eventually” The office playlist begins to feature tracks like “When you are gone”, “How am I supposed to live without you”, “Here without you” and every other heartbreak song you can muster. This is the point where reality sets in and you have to think of your next move rather than wallow in the “what ifs?”

Stage 5 – Acceptance

“It’s going to be fine, we win some and we lose some.” You start getting ready for the next client while making sure the current ones are kept happy. You are a fighter, you have survived this long and will continue to survive.

We are all a little crazy and we all need therapy

We are all crazy and we need therapyI’m staring at my computer screen and my mouth is open, a cry of protest escapes from my lips.

Everyone turns to look at me and I’m like, “What is wrong with these people! Every time, dumb questions!”

That’s how most of my days go. Just when I was starting to have faith in the human race, I meet a new set of people – the fans on brand pages.

Let me introduce myself. My name is J. K. Rolling, and I’m an online community manager at a digital media agency. Don’t get confused; I basically have to keep people engaged on social media for brands and write content that I believe they will like.

I love what I do, but some of these dedicated fans make it a point of duty to make sure I go home frustrated every day.

I will never forget the day someone asked me whether to use a plastic cup or a glass for a certain drink.

“No, drink it in a calabash,” I responded – but only in my head.

Another annoying thing these people do is enter my messages and say hi. When I ask how I can help them, they tell me they just want to say hi to the admin. If only they knew how much work I had to do, they would leave me alone. The most annoying one was when I had to answer the same question 5 times in the same post. Do they have secret meetings and decide they are going to frustrate me?

Lucky for me, I work with a great team. We laugh about these things and see the humour in it. They are the ones who keep me from going crazy: They are my therapists.

You guys reading this may not have to deal with annoying social media fans, but I’m sure there’s something that gets you frustrated and angry at work. What I’ve learnt in this process is that not everything is worth getting angry over. Sometimes, just talking about it with your colleagues could give you a fresh perspective on these issues, or make you laugh about it. Life is too short to stay angry; we’re all a little crazy, anyway.


The Third Leg

The-Third-LegHave you ever been new in an office? It’s like high school. You’d suddenly realize how observant you can be. In my observant phase, before I started showing my true colour, I noticed a couple. They were not married yet… but the office had married them. The administration and management team had picked their Asoebi colours: Pink and Yellow they said. Everyone was in support of the marriage. Everyone knew about the wedding date but the couple themselves. October 12 was the slated date.

You must be guessing: What’s wrong with this people? Who sent them to plan the wedding? The question that bugged me most was: Are these guys dating? Guess what? NO! so why are we so obsessed? Because they do everything together. They are often bouncing ideas off each other both smart and stupid ideas. They shared meals, beverages, information, etc. They understood each other’s jokes, laughed at the not so funny ones and traded secrets. Did they stop there? No! They laughed and touched. They got each other in a way no one else did. They shared inside jokes and they shared their UK experience. They were both returnees and had a tint of the British accent.

Perfect couples! To the best of our knowledge, they were in love but did not know it.

Things were going fine until Mike took ill. Sarah naturally never noticed when anyone was absent from the office but Mike’s absence took a toll on her. She was silent and sipped two cups of tea for the whole day. The week went by slowly and she was obviously unhappy. Mike showed up on Wednesday, even though he was obviously not strong enough to resume work, he felt the need to see her face and be with her. He couldn’t even last till 12pm. She pampered him until the HR manager permitted him to go home and not return till he was well.

While his heart drowned in loneliness, Tomi resumed as a new staff and for some reason, he and Sarah clicked. He became her new Mike. When Mike returned, it was like he wasn’t there. He struggled to be part of Sarah and Tomi’s discussion. Every time she excused herself to the boardroom, Mike followed her. He claimed he was going to make calls. Things have gone downhill since then. Our wedding plans are crashing down before our very eyes. Should we redirect the wedding plans to Sarah and Tomi? What would Mike do? Is Tomi just a rebound guy? Is Tomi the bad guy?

I can’t answer all these questions but I’m sure you must have seen couples perfect for each other, love each other but somehow, a third guy just sways in and kills our perfect happily ever after story. If you were Mike, what would

you do?

The Struggle to Be Corporate



It’s a Monday morning. I barely make it to work after practically dragging myself out of bed, but not before being faced with the problem of what to wear. I am bombarded with decisions as I add and subtract from my outfit: Is this too formal? Is that too out-there? Is this dress too short?

Eventually, my brain tells me I have made the right decision. I pick an outfit and head to work, hoping I managed to look at least average. I’m very tired and want to go back home and sleep (Monday blues), but as I start to work, I hear a voice from behind me say, “JK Rolling, why don’t you ever dress corporate?” I look at myself and realise that I actually don’t look corporate. I have been fooled by my brain once again.

I decide that I’m going to look better the following week, and start to strategize and make plans on how I want to dress. After my internal strategy session, I am hopeful. I mean, how hard can it be to put together a formal shirt and simple trousers? Next thing I hear is, “Baby girl, what are you wearing? Why won’t your hair stay combed?” And I’m just stumped, like, ahn ahn, I really tried. What’s going on here, and why isn’t anyone praising my effort?

Back to the drawing board for me.

I’m not exactly a fashionista. In fact, I’d probably be the worst dressed in magazines if I was famous. But after struggling so hard to figure out what to wear, daily, I finally figured it out!

Here’s how I solved the problem:

After a lot of research, I decided to have a work uniform with similar outfits every day. I bought a few pairs of trousers, 2 skirts and lots of chiffon tops. I also kept a pair of heels in the office in case I was ever accused of not wearing heels. This simple decision has made my life so much easier! I now have items that always match, look formal, and I don’t have to stress myself out over getting ready anymore because everything looks pretty much the same.

Since I made this change I’m now cool with everyone (thank God). And not only do I feel great about what I wear, I no longer spend time thinking about what I wear! If you’re like me, and you struggle with work-appropriate fashion, I hope you learn from my process!

Spice up your Alcohol Experience

Spice-Up-Your-Alcohol-ExperienceDisclaimer: This piece is not encouraging bad behaviour of any sort within the corporate environment. Deciding to practice anything contained in this article is at your own risk and you will be held totally responsible for it.

I don’t know about your office but in mine, you’re not allowed to drink alcohol during work hours. However, for those who absolutely must, here are a few different ways to spice up your alcohol moments in the office – fully undercover.

  1. Spike your coffee: Pour some vodka into a little amount of your dark coffee. It quenches the smell and has a kick of stimulants! You can also add vanilla to reduce the sting of the vodka or use peppermint flavoured drinks and tea in place of coffee. #TeamHardworking
  2. Create a hole in a watermelon and pour in your vodka or an alcohol of choice, leave it to sit for 4 hours in the fridge. Cut the watermelon and serve. Put it in your regular health bowl, no one would notice. #FitFam
  3. You can buy a concealed water bottle and just sip it low key. Have mouthwash ready or use Tom-Tom to douse the smell. #SweetTooth
  4. Make a creative cocktail drink with your alcohol of choice and drink it. Is it not just a creative mix? If you are creative enough you can make it look like fruit juice. Dice some fruits in it too. #HealthyLivingBehavior
  5. You can use baileys as a milk substitute for your cereal or tea. It’s just breakfast 😉

To cover up the symptoms:

  1. Stay hydrated
  2. Use eyedrops
  3. Maintain fresh breath (keep a toothbrush at work or use mint)
  4. Stay Quiet
  5. Don’t go past your limit

Please do not try this at work!!! If you collect sack letter “OYO” as in, you are ON YOUR OWN.

Stay Sober!

No Degree? Don’t Apologize

No Degree, Dont Apologize.pngYes, you heard me!

There’s more to education than a degree. There’s more to learning than the four walls of a school. The pages of history are filled with successful people who dropped out of school, and I have learnt that academic validation does not birth life validation.

Still not convinced? Here are a few reasons why you don’t need to apologise for not having a degree:

  1. Education literally means “learning.” Which is ironic because there are many people who go through the entire process of school and learn nothing. Many people are pressured into studying degrees they have no passion for, and in the end they graduate, dump their certificates and go off into jobs they weren’t academically qualified for.
  2. The world has evolved. You do not need a degree to be on social media, for instance, and there are many similar financial opportunities around us today. You define your own success, degree or no degree. As they say, if you are born poor, it’s not your fault, but if you die poor, you are responsible.
  3. That said, if you do not have a degree, you’ve offended no one, however, you would offend yourself and your future if you do not educate yourself and equip yourself with relevant knowledge. You can gain direction and be who you want to be without conforming to societal standards; identify your strengths and surround yourself with people you can learn from. You actually have an advantage, because you do not have to waste countless hours or years studying things that may turn out irrelevant.

Why am I writing about this?

Because dropouts taught me. 3 “idiots” inspired me. Steve Jobs inspired me. And, today, I am good at my job. I learned more from the dropouts than the degree-holders. They put in their best and give it their all. (A great book to read on this topic is: A students work for C students and B students for the Government, by Robert Kiyosaki.)

No beef against degree holders, but don’t let your degree status limit you. Whether you are a great student or a dropout, life does not care unless you have relevant success to show for it. Your degrees are of no value if you cannot defend it, and when you can deliver, no one cares about your degree.

My Shitty Experience

My-shitty-ExperienceWe all have shitty experiences, however I never thought mine would play out the way it did. Here’s what went down:

Ken and I had been dating for over 2 years and so far our relationship had been great. Every Friday, we would meet after work and have dinner together; this was our tradition and we loved it.

On this fateful Friday, I got to work in high spirits because I was excited that I was going to meet my Ken after 5. During the lunch break, I ordered Milicious’ famous Pilaf rice. It was delicious… but then, a few hours after my meal I got a quick notice from my tummy requesting that I vacate some unwanted residents. I didn’t yield to this request, as I was very busy meeting up with deadlines.

Before I knew it, it was after 5 and I got a text message from Ken:

“Hey Babe, I’ll be at your end in 5mins.”

I quickly rushed to clear my table to save my Boo the stress of waiting.

Fast-forward to 2 hours later: we had just finished eating a lovely meal at Prime Chinese, VI, and I stepped it down with ice-cream for desert. Another exciting Friday with Ken. As we headed home, we sat in the back seat of the car, lost in each other’s company as Oga Mike drove quietly.  Suddenly, nature took it course and there was a rumble in my tummy. I told myself, “Nah, I can handle this, I’ll be home soon.”

Unknown to me, the “Karashika” in my village weren’t asleep oh. We drove into heavy traffic and I began sweating profusely, even with the AC on. I couldn’t keep a straight face; it felt like my tummy was the only functioning part of my body and I was losing my mind slowly.

Hmmmm, at some point, the traffic wore jeans and dark shades. I thought to myself, “Could this be the end time?” Boo kept yarning but I was totally deaf to whatever it was he was saying. I looked through the window and sighted a Mr. Biggs not too far away.

Without thinking, I dashed out of the car, and Ken – who was surprised at my sudden action – ran after me, screaming my name. I showcased a bit of athletic skill as I flew over a couple of gutters to get to the other side, feeling like Moses with the Israelites.

I stormed into the eatery with Ken running behind me, totally oblivious to whoever was looking at me; what I was going through was greater than the stares. I stormed into the toilet like Superman on a rescue mission, with Ken right behind me banging on the door and asking, “Are you okay?”

Without shame, I screamed, “Get me a damn tissue!”

After the unwanted tenant was out, and after the feeling of relief, the shame finally caught me. I looked at boo and told him what just went down. He looked dazed for a second, and then we both burst into laughter.

It was a shitty experience, but it could definitely have been worse.

Do you have a shitty experience to share? Please give us the gist in the comment section.